Thought I might start a thread for funnies if you know any good ones.

Here's my attempt to get the ball rolling:

"My friend is addicted to brake fluid, but he's not worried as he reckons he can stop at anytime"

Harley Davidson....

another one below....

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Harley Davidson..
The easyest way to turn gasoline into noise with out the side efect of horse power...

A man with two left feet walks in to a shoe shop and starts looking around the various shoes on display....

The attendant approaches him and asks him: "Do you need any help, Sir?"

The man replies: "Yeah... I'd like to try a pair of..... flip - flips"

A beautiful Italian girl is having a romantic affair with a rich business man. Dismayed to find herself pregnant, she tells him. We cannot meet again he says, but I will take care of you financially, when the baby is born send me a post card with the word spaghetti on it. Months later the man comes home from work and his wife says 'a rather strange postcard came today'. Nervously the man read it.....' Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. ..two with meatballs one without!

" Did you hear about the guy who drowned in a bowl of cereal ? Apparently he was pulled in by a strong current ".


An Englishman, Irishman & a Scotsman walk in to a bar, Barman say's,
"Whats this some kind of joke?".


What do you call a guy with a seagull on his head ? Cliff.

Did you seen in the news this week that the world's smallest zoo has opened over in Rhode Island USA? Apparently it's only got one animal and it's a...































shih tzu!

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A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, ‘It’s what mummy calls me sometimes'.

The little girl screams to her sister

'Don't eat it, it's an arzhole.

A man goes to the Doctor & says "Doc I feel like a pack of cards"

Doc says " Well take a seat Sir & I'll deal with you later".

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"
Barman: "No."
Duck: "Got any bread?"
Barman: "No."
Duck: "Got any bread?"
Barman: "No, we have no bread."
Duck: "Got any bread?"
Barman: "No, we haven't got any f*cking bread."
Duck: "Got any bread?"
Barman: "No, are you deaf? We haven't got any f*cking bread, ask me
again
and I'll nail your f*cking beak to the bar you irritating b*stard of a
f*cking bird!"

Duck: "Got any nails?"
Barman: "No"
Duck: "Got any bread?

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the sailor asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off".
"Wow!" said the sailor . "What about the hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off."
"Incredible!" remarked the sailor . "How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull **** into my eye", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to seagull ****?" the sailor asked.
"Well..." said the pirate, "That was my first day with the hook."