Okay, some politically incorrect ones here:-



A Jehovah's witness knocked on my door last night, I asked him in sat him down and said "right what do you want to talk about" he said "f**k knows never got this far before"

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex /White out................I woke this morning with a huge correction.

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers so I did...........................she's 21 and her name's Lorraine ...

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees............I thought she was joking ........ and then I saw her face�..

I went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting peado and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Swan Vesta's /Matches, his little face lit up when he tried to walk....................unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful bleeders. All I said was, 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'

Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore.

Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready!

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching tv when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'what would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'. She replied, 'You're having soup you fat *******, I was talking to the cat!'

Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch, so I've named him Birmingham ..

I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'

Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!' Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a dead Beatle for the last thirty years.

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my mods
2008 XTX/C.C.C. stubies/D.N.A.stage 3 Air filter/PC3+Custom Kev map/Kev's O2 eliminator mod/yam sump guard painted/yam hand gaurds+spoilers/S.W.Moteck engine bars/R&G swingarm protectors/R&G fork protectors/Puig screen/Worry Brother Tail tidy/L.E.D rear light/L.E.D indicators/Personal number plate/Oxford hot grips/Hyperpro front springs/15w fork oil/Hyperpro rear spring/Avon Distanzia tyres/42t rear sprocket/powder coated heal plates and rear foot rests/L.E.D front spot lights

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I'm always in the sh1t, only the depth varies

hahahah nice

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Plough on

Excellent - good start to the day. I'd pinch them and stick them on the Guzzi forum, but they're a bunch of closet racists and homophobes and I'd be banned for life
Cheers
Rob